The ‘Hustle

Well, I can’t say I expected anything different. In fact, I’m surprised this didn’t come sooner.

The “this” in our story refers to the indictment of sitting Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich, on charges that he’s attempting to and has engaged in “pay for play,” in efforts to, among other things, name the replacement for President-Elect Barack Obama, as Illinois’ junior United States Senator.

Having lived in Illinois for some 14+ years (in college and after graduation) prior to moving to New York, I’ve a special affinity to the Land of Lincoln, my adopted home state, and I’m none too shocked that influence peddling would snare yet another governor of that state.

Illinois has had three governors since 1970 jailed on corruption charges, and numerous other officials have been charged, jailed, paroled and some even re-jailed. In fact, the Chicago Tribune in 2006 presented a scorecard of Illinois officials so punished in recent history. In fact, Mr. Blagojevich has been the focus of Federal investigations since the start of his second term in 2006.

What separates these charges from the mundane brand of midwest corruption is the brazeness with which Mr. Blagojevich pursued personal enrichment. In expletive-laced phone conversations recorded by the Feds, “Blago” — and his wife — are heard excoriating editors at the Chicago Tribune who’ve been critical of the governor. (They began talk of impeachment proceedings in editorials as early as 2007.) The Blagojevich’s are also recorded saying things such as “hold up that fucking Cubs shit. . . fuck them,” in reference to delaying the sale of Wrigley Field and baseball’s Chicago Cubs — both owned by paper’s parent company The Tribune Company. (The sale of those two prized assets could net the company as much as $700 million. The Tribune Company filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy earlier this week.)

But the most damning allegation: that the Governor was seeking personal enrichment in return for appointing a favorable candidate to fill President-Elect Obama’s former seat as Senator. In the charging document, “Candidate 1″ is alleged to be Valerie Jarrett, chief advisor to Barack Obama. She removed her name from consideration in November, but Blagojevich is convinced that she is who Obama wants to take his former seat. When told that the Obama team will offer nothing of value except appreciation for appointing Jarret, Blago is quoted as saying “motherfucker [the President-elect].  Fuck him.  For nothing?  Fuck him.”

Blago wanted to be either Secretary of Health and Human Services, or Energy, in return for appointing Jarrett, but neither would be in his cards. He then suggested, among other things, that perhaps Obama and Warren Buffet would form a non-profit, the head of which would be Blagojevich, entitling him to a lucrative salary.

And when “Candidate 5″ — today acknowledged to be Jesse Jackson, Jr. — came up, Blago states he “will appoint [Senate Candidate 1] . . . but if they [the Obama team] feel like they can do this and not fucking give me anything . . . then I’ll fucking go [Senate Candidate 5],” and essentially extort him for upwards of half-million dollars in campaign contributions.

The charging document is quite a read, and one that any good-government fan will find about as distasteful as reading the Devil’s Bible.

The question I have to ask is: what in the hell was Rod Blagojevich thinking? Read the charging document: he sounds like a megalomanic. He makes outrageous demands, completely overestimates his worth, and sounds positively crazy.

So is it a case of absolute power corrupting absolutely, or stupidity? Or is it…syphillis?

As I understand it, the disease can cause people to go crazy! The insanity caused by late-stage syphilis was once one of the more common forms of dementia. Based on his recent acts, I can only surmise that Blagojevich’s particular brand of idiocy has to be caused by something beyond pedestrian ignorance. To be so brazen, so insistent, so ridiculously grandiose seems to me to go beyond the pale of anything seen in Illinois — or any other state for that matter.

Who knows, maybe the Gov pulled an Eliot Spitzer and had a lady of the night, but got a little bit more than he bargained for? I’m not making the allegation, but I need an explanation for the utter ridiculousness of his actions, which go way beyond what even hardened Illinoisans would consider “normal corruption.”

Regardless, I hope Mr. Blagojevich has nothing on his calendar for the next decade or so, because I think he’s going to be tied up for a while with jail.

Blagojevich = Epic Fail.

This post is tagged Blagojevich, Corruption, Epic Fail, Government, Governor, Politcs, Stupidity